Before I delve into the details, I want to point out that each and every person and body is different. Give the advice in this article a shape to fityourneeds, comfort zone and anything your doctor suggests.
And also please be gentle with yourself. Reclaiming your sex life, it turns out, after spending years in chronic pain is a gradual process that takes a tremendous amount of self-compassion. That said, here’s advice (from both experience and experts) for getting a handle on your body — and your love life.
Focus first on communication.
Don’t hesitate to be vulnerable and voice what feels good — and what may be uncomfortable for you. This can be hard, but if it’s the right person, they’ll listen, validate your feelings and help you brainstorm solutions. The worst part is that when they don’t, you start resenting them for not knowing — even though you have never told them what you need.
“I think it’s really important for partners to clearly communicate what’s pleasurable and what hurts,” Dr. Orbuch said. “If the endo sufferer is fearful of pain or is in pain, their pelvic floor muscles will contract even more, creating more pain.”
If you don’t know how to initiate the conversation, or the relationship is relatively new, wait for a time when you feel comfortable and aren’t in a sexual situation to bring it up. Keep it light and give them space to process and respond.Belicim Komiks If they sound dismissive or unsupportive, that person probably isn’t the right partner for you.
Understand that “sex” doesn’t mean penetration.
It’s easy to get trapped in the thinking that “real” sex has to involve penetration. There are so many ways to make love or be intimate with another person (or yourself!) that do not involve penetration.
Get creative and try new things, such as sensual massage, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and sex toys. Or, if you’d like to work in penetration, there’s a product calledOhnutthat’s a wearable that acts as a buffer preventing deep penetration. You’re in control of the depth with one or more stackable rings (these can go around your partner’s shaft or a sex toy) until you figure out what feels good.
The first time I used one, I was so excited — almost as if we were rediscovering sex all over again together. Just make sure to always use lube—and lots of it!
Buy some really good sex toys.
I’ve become a major proponent of sex toys over the years. They can be done with a partner or alone and be used to learn about and explore your body to find out what really works for you.
Some of my favorite endometriosis-friendly options are theNamii by biirdand theVIM by Fun Factory. The Namii is designed to sit on the vulva comfortably, while the VIM has a long handle and wide head for coverage all over.
It’s fun to play with a partner, sure, but I think getting to know your own body comes first. Spend some time engaging in solo self-care so you’re able to specify what sensations and motions feel best for you. Then when you are ready, you can guide your partner.
Also, perineal ice and heat packs and vulva balm can soothe any discomfort after sex, Jeffcoat added. Not sexy I know, but how you take care of yourself makes all the difference in the world after you experience one.
Switch up your positions.
If penetration is included in the mix, Jeffcoat suggests the forward or backward straddle. From this position, the receiving partner will have more control of the depth of penetration and the pace to avoid painful movements or thrusting.
Jeffcoat also recommends spooning or sideways positions, which can be more comfortable for those with pelvic pain or a tilted uterus.
Treat the underlying cause of the pain.
Surgery and other treatments such as pelvic physical therapy are not always easy or affordable to access. I had health insurance at the time of my surgery, and I still had to deplete my savings and relocate because I couldn’t afford to stay in my apartmentandpay for the surgery.
However, I strongly recommend reaching out to an excision specialist to see what other options you have, if you can. At a minimum, a pelvic floor physical therapist can teach you how to manage and relax the pelvic floor muscles that may be causing you pain.
“By using pelvic floor physical therapy, the muscles and their response to pain can be altered,” said Jeffcoat. “Addressing the muscle, fascia, and scar restrictions is only a piece of the puzzle to having pain-free sex, but is important to address at some point in the journey as a big contributing factor.”
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